Wicked
by Grim Zee
Summary: Raven's been keeping secrets again, with her life sliding out of control, will she find someone to hold onto? Ch.11 is UP!
1. Confessions

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**Warning: **This story is rated R for a reason! There are some adult themes, cutting, violence, bit of lemon (maybe later on) and some other stuff that younger people may not want to read about! Please consider this before you dive in, thanks! 

Disclamer: I don't own Teen Titans, if I did, there would be alot more episodes about Beast boy, Raven and Cyborg ('Cause I love them). I also don't own the lyrics to 'Counting Bodies like Sheep to the Rythm of the War Drum' which belong to one of the greatest friken bands on the earth, Perfect Circle.

Forenote: This is about four years after Slade was 'destroyed', everyone is a bit older, I'll have an image link later on.

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**_Wicked_**

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_...Don't fret precious I'm here, step away from the window…  
Go back to sleep  
Safe from pain and truth and choice and other poison devils,  
…See, they don't give a fuck about you, like I do..._  
----------------------------

Raven stood before the mirror, arms splayed, holding onto the edges of the sink for support. The dark blue towel hung loosely about her breasts, it slowly slipped and fell from her body, she made no move to stop it. Lifting her head, she confronted the mirror as she had countless times before. Violet eyes gazed listlessly over her scarred torso, absentmindedly brushing locks of wet hair from her face. One finger traced solemnly over her latest scar, arching through her chest and behind her shoulders, dancing over pock marks made by shells and glass and trenches of flesh that had never filled. A quiet smile, sardonic and frightened by her own appearance, perched on her face. It was an empty gesture, so much like the ones she would give Beast boy or StarFire when they told their idiosyncratic jokes, made to insist upon others her humanity. Her fingers touched an open sore, causing tears to spring to her eyes.  
"Damn" She whispered, the mirror cracked before her, lines racing through its surface, thin as the thread of a spider.

Sighing, she began to slip into a fresh uniform, its sullen color draping quickly over her blue-gray skin. Even though she knew no one else would be up, she still couldn't imagine walking around of tower of glass in a bath robe. Fastening her cape, she walked slowly through the dark hallways, stopping at each of the Titans doors. Every night since they had moved in, she had done this, saying everything she could never say to them out loud. This helped to keep her emotions in check, allowing them just enough freedom and truth to get her through another day of forced smiles and comforting lies.

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"Robin, you pushy bastard, why can't you just understand?" Raven whispered, knowing Boy Wonder happened to be a light sleeper. Her forehead rested upon the cold metal panels that made up the walls in Titan Tower, each hand pressing softly around the fresh bruises on her stomach. Though she had known Robin the longest, he was one of the elusive members of the Titans, she thought he of all people might understand.  
"If you knew…if you knew…" she could not finish her sentence, though the thought of being isolated was terrifying, she knew they could never really see what was going on. That was how she protected them. Closing her eyes, she began to grit her teeth as a fresh pain seared her back. Raven knew this was one of the prices she would pay until she died.  
She reached behind her, feeling the damp place just inside her shoulder with her left hand, and using the right to prop herself against the wall. Though her body was a variable maze of battle scars, many had been of her own creation, punishment for failures and feelings.  
"It has to be this way…"

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Regaining her footing, Raven edged slowly down the hall, seeking her next release, Starfire.  
The beautiful alien had been both Raven's best friend and the bane of her existence. Starfire was everything Raven could ever wish to be, powerful, beautiful, emotional, innocent, things Raven could hardly comprehend.  
"Star…" Her bloodied hand touched the metal, leaving tiny marks upon its chrome finish. The halfling didn't worry though,the Titans had a way with which they missed many small details such as that.

"Star…you will never know how perfect you are on the inside. You will never know how much I want to be you, even for a moment, I would give anything just to…just to…just to feel something on the inside. Nothing has been the same since-" Another sharp pain singed her thoughts as Raven felt tears forcing themselves upon her eyes.

"Oh gods, I swear over the body of my mother I will never let him touch you…" Her voice was low and strained, its deadpan replaced by a threatening melodic tone. The tears she tried so desperately to hold back spilt upon her gray cheeks, her hands clenched, knuckles white with disgust and anger. A low, black aura began to lace in between her fingers as they rhythmically opened and closed, Raven's breathing hastened and the chakra mounted on her forehead pulsated deep within its chambers. The shattering of a light bulb in Starfires room awoke the brewing demoness, her heart pounding and jaws aching.  
_'Thank Azra Star sleeps likea log,'_  
Looking down at her hands, she saw tinyglobes of bloodhad formed where her fingernails had bitten into her flesh. The small droplets were entrancing as the danced along the lines of her pale flesh, seeking to pool in the center of her hand.  
Raven smiled, the hollow gesture merely used to exonerate the anger that had possessed her only moments before.

With small, aching movements, she headed toward Cyborg's room, taking the stairs rather than the elevator. She could feel the blood trickle down the small of her back, pooling and spreading through her uniform. Raven knew her condition was far from dire, and the pain managed to distract her mind from the task at hand. Reaching the landing, she pressed the blood she carried so ceremoniously in her palm against her cloak, waiting as the material dried her hands.

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Raven and Cy had always been close. She knew she could always count on him, and she was there to console him in his darkest hours. How she longed to tell him everything, everything that had happened to her, to tell him why she had changed, why she had to change. Every day she went without murmuring a word of her tragedy killed her, paying in blood and in her dreams every night for nearly a year.  
This…this would kill him. Raven knew how much Cy tried to protect her, to be the brother she could look up to, and if he found out she had been keeping this from him for a year, things would never be the same.  
Pressing one hand to his door, she eased her shoulder down on the silver panels, relishing the chill that ran down her spine.

"Cy, I want things to go back to the way they used to be…before any of this happened. I'm pulling the Titans apart, and if I could just tell you…If you would listen I swear I would…Cyborg I…Victor I-" Something from within Cyborg's room stirred, she quickly pressed herself into the shadows, allowing her powers to conceal her body.

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With a whirr, the door opened, revealing a hazy, but aware Titan. Cyborg was the largest and oldest of the titans, 19 going on 20 now, he had aged little since joining the titans, mostly due to his hesitation to upgrade his system.  
"Hello?" Calling groggily to no one, the behemoth squinted his human eye, though it really altered nothing as his cybernetic one could already asses the situation. Infrared suggested someone had been here, gazing silently at the floor, he followed to where the footprints vanished into the wall.

Raven.

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"I know you're out there, Rae. You know where I'm at, when you're ready to talk…" Sighing, he stepped back into his room. With most people, he would have pressed, but Rae was a special case, she needed room. It was times like this he was most worried about her. Locking herself in her room, hardly eating, coming out to help fight crime, and then back to her dungeon. He couldn't understand why she was doing this to herself, why she was doing this to the team, to him. As the doors slid shut, he rested his metallic forearms on the frame, his hands closing into fists and his head bowed.

Ever since he had been recruited, Raven had been there for him. She seemed to understand what he was going through, though she was half demon, and he half robot, they were both alienated from society. Without parents, without homes, they had quickly found solace with one another.The Titans were a family, it was his job to make sure they were all alright. But Raven wasn't alright, and he couldn't understand why she wouldn't talk to him anymore.

"Raven…why won't you just talk to me?" Cyborg said, standing upright, and letting his hand graze along the wall as he returned to his bed. "I just want to help…"

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Steping forth from the shadows, Raven began moving toward her final confession, Beast Boy. He, above all was the one she had to speak to every night, he alone could keep the nightmares away. Raven wavered slightly as she approached Beast Boys room. He knew everything. He had been there, and he had seen. He had seen more of her soul than any other person alive, and in some ways, she blamed him. She knew it was rash, and she knew he could not have saved her, his life could not have made X stop. But every time she saw his green face, she could feel her knees weaken and her stomach churn.

Beast boy had done everything he could to stop Red X, but it was all in vain.

She knew the changeling blamed himself, but she couldn't tell him everything was alright. Not after everything he had seen, everything she had told him. Nothing was alright anymore.

"Oh gods…Beast Boy…" She was still yards from his room, one hand placed on her knee, the other on the wall. She could feel another vision coming on, its ripples distorting reality as she struggled to hold on to what lay before her. Raven closed her eyes, concentrating all her energy on teleporting back, back to where she could scream without anyone hearing, back to her dark lair to lie comatose while visions and night demons wracked her slumber. Her mind fell out the bottom of her head, sinking slowly into the sweet emptiness of dark magic, and falling atopa rumpled bed.

As she felt the last of her conscious mind failing, she reached out to drape her blankets over her body, but where covers would have been, she found only the softly sleeping form of her friend, Beast boy.

"shi..."

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**Note from Z: **So, what do you think? First online story, first TT fanfic, first for alot of other things for me. This is the first chapter of a really wicked, in a bad way, story. Please, C&C so that I can write the next chapter/fix my style/give up, and not too many flames, not feeling very pyro right now. 

Also: Everyone is older, duh, Raven is having some major problems right now, duh, because of something that happened between her and Red X, and the only person who knows is BB. I'm really slow at working into a story, so I'm sorry if this chapter is a major drag.


	2. Dreams

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A/N: Mfrgggggghhh...Watched new TT last night...graaaaa....Cyborg...Fluffy kitties...Oh the horror! Anyway, Ch.2 up by ransom for my soul! Yay Sorry 'bout the lapse, I tried to put it up two days ago...but my computer went commando (minus internet) for some reason.  
To the lovley people who read and Reviewed meh story: You guys rock, I love you, blah blah blah. I'm sorry the first chapter was a bit confusing, but this should clear up a few things. Unfortunatly, I plan on making everyone work out what exactly happened to Raven, 'cause I don't intend on putting up the details about that until later chapters.  
Yay for Kri! Who helped a ton with stuff, mostly reading it and saying it was good, which helps the whole writing process. the Inu poems you have are so sweet! I'm going to read your fan fic after posting, 0.0 or maybe in the morning...

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Disclamer: Ermmmmm...I don't own the Teen Titians...otherwise the show could only run on Adult swim, and there would be sooooooooooo much cussing, 'cause I am sick like that yo.

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**Wicked **

Dreams

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_The unrequited dream  
A song that no one sings  
The unattainable  
She's a myth that I have to believe in  
All I need to make it real is one more reason  
_----------------------------

_Warmth, two eyes, purple as the sunset gazed at her, softly admiring the folds of infant flesh. Tiny fingers, all a pale gray, seeking to explore their new environment. Crooning softly to the young empath, Arella sang softly to her newborn.  
Eins  
Hier kommt die Sonne  
Zwei  
Hier kommt die Sonne  
Drei  
Sie ist der hellste Stern von allen  
Vier  
Hier kommt die Sonne…  
Her mothers voice began to slow, hesitant in forming words as the tune carried on without her. Her calming purple eyes began to change, growing red and angular in the infinite space of her dream. A new set appeared, their menacing glare penetrating the infants soft flesh. The delicate flesh began to pull away, revealing Raven as she was, curled tightly in the fetal position, sobbing under the glare of her fathers eyes.  
'You can make a choice right now Raven…' The glaring eyes of her demonic father disappeared, leaving Raven shuddering on the cold floor of a warehouse.  
'Its you or the boy.' Lights and colors began to dance before her eyes, vague shapes forming against her blank eyelids. Arms stretched above her head, legs secured below her. A dull pain throbbed behind her eyes.  
'Give me what I want, Raven, and everything will be alright…' The cold voice bounced off imaginary walls. All she could do was moan. Something traced along her chest, avoiding patches of skin where her uniform had been damaged, feathering along her neck and down her sternum, stopping just above her belt. Rolling her head, she tried to see her antagonist.  
'Raven…' His body pressed against hers, hot breath on her neck.  
'Raven…' Stomach wrenching, head turned away, eyes squinting, he couldn't mean…  
'Raven…' Hands searching her body, the voice had become more urgent. The oval eyes on his mask stared blankly at her face, the crimson X on his chest slowly slipping away.  
"**Raven!"**_

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Eyes opening hesitantly, she didn't want to wake up there, not with him.  
"Beast….boy?" He had her by the shoulders, her hair was damp with sweat, clinging to her face and neck like wet paper. Ravens mind was a perfect blank, the only thing she could think about was, Why was Beast boy in…her…room? That brought her entire thought process to a screeching halt.  
Her room…Was it usually this bright and cluttered. As her eyes began to adjust to the lighting, it dawned upon her that this was not, in fact, her room.  
"Oh god…"  
"Well, good morning Sunshine to you too," Beast Boy replied, letting her shoulders drop. "Now just one question, Why the hell are you in my room?"  
Raven replied with a witty blank stare.  
"Hello? Earth to Raven. Why are you in my bed?" Waving a hand before her eyes, hoping to bring her back from where ever the gothic girl happened to be vacationing at, Beast boy looked at the clock. It was still rather early, just after nine, and the rest of the titans would not be up until ten.  
Blinking rapidly, Raven tried desperately to focus on what was going on.  
"I…I was…." Her face slacked once more, he knew she was really out of it. On a normal day, he would have been blown to smithereens by now.  
"Come on Raven…Lets get you back to bed." Sighing, the green boy clambered out of bed, hitching his black boxers up before offering Raven his hand.  
She didn't move. Her eyes stared vacantly at where he had sat a moment ago, hands limply placed on her thighs.  
"Raven?" Her shoulders began to shake weakly, chin quivering. Tears began to gather at the rims of her eyes, and she could not find the strength to hold them back.  
He reached out to touch her, try to comfort her somehow.  
"Raven…" She recoiled, as if his hand would burn her. Tears began to spill onto her cheeks as she pulled her cloak around her body, trying to hide.  
"Raven…please…"  
"He…he…X…" Her words were quick, splayed along her breath as she tried to keep control.  
It was Beast Boy's turn to recoil.  
Now he knew. Ever since that night he had tried to put it behind him, for her sake as well as his. Though sometimes at night he would still dream of her screaming, he could always wake himself up. But Raven, she was living in that nightmare every day, the shadows became his face, Beast boys' hands had become X's.  
"Raven," Her face slackened, eyes glazing over. He reached out again, wanting to dry her tears, to pull her hair from her face. She moved away again, but he could tell there she was on autopiolet. "Its over now, he's gone." More than anything else he wished he could take away her pain, to numb her mind and soothe her heart.  
This time he reached up without hesitation, brushing her stringy locks from her eyes, brushing tears away with the side of his hand. If Raven knew he was there, she gave no indication. Her breathing quelled, and the tears began to abate, leaving her motionless and blank.  
'_Raven must be really out of it…She never lets anyone touch her…" _The changeling thought as he slowly began to gather her into his arms.  
"Come on Rae, I think its time you went back to bed."

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She closed her eyes, turning her head away from him as he brought her through the door, her arms hung uselessly, draped over his. The dark cape that had so often shrouded her figure now hung limply, dragging across the floor as Beast Boy carried Raven towards her room.  
"Raven…I don't really know how or why you ended up in my room, but if you need to talk, you can always come to me, no matter what." Her eyes remained closed, breathing shallowly, feigning sleep. He didn't care, he wanted to say something, he had to.  
"Raven, I know what happened, and I promise you he would never touch you again, Nudging the door open, he edged into her room, moving slowly so he didn't disturb anything.  
"As long as I live, Raven, I swear he will never, ever touch you again."  
The green boy felt tears of frustration building in his eyes, why wouldn't she talk to him. He knew it was wrong, but why wasn't she mad? Why didn't she want to find Red X and make him pay for what he had done to her.  
_'That bastard, how could he have done something like that to Raven? How could anyone make someone else...'  
_She shivered as he lie her down, she looked so pale and small against her violet sheets. Raven looked so helpless, so much like she did when Red X had…  
As the tears clouded his eyes, Beast boy leaned over the sleeping girl. Something deep down had clicked, he didn't know what he was doing, but it felt right.  
His lips brushed her forehead, light as a feather and soft as down, as he stared at her face.  
"I promise…" He smiled, small and sad as he turned to leave the gothic girls room, but just before he was out of earshot, he could hear her faint words, mumbled through sleeping lips.  
"_Thank you…"_

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_But I wont let this build  
up inside of me  
I wont let this build  
up inside of me_  
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A/N: So...How horrid was it? C&C, no burnination though, me no like-y flames...Brownie points for anyone who knows where that song that Arella sings says! The lyrics as stuff belong to Rammstein, and the rest of the lyrics belong to Slipknot, (said so the lawyer bots don't seek to break my secret elbows...).

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	3. Temptation

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**A/N: Sorry about the third chapter being only the a/n...I don't know what happened...Anyway, here is the real chapter, heh 

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blah blah blah, don't own teen titans, or Disturbed...blah Story rated R for stuff....blah

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**Wicked**

_**Temptation**_

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Laughing now I'm,  
Stopping now I'm  
Reaching out and I'm  
Feeling nothing

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"She did it for me!" A lamp flew across the room, its pale green porcelain fame, painted in animals of the savanna, shattering beyond repair at the floor below. Beast Boys room was now thoroughly trashed, shards of broken objects littered the floor, the walls now bore claw marks when the changeling could no longer find anything worth breaking.

"If I wasn't so fucking weak, if I wasn't so small and-" He slumped down in a corner, pulling his knees to his bare chest. Rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands, trying to stop the inevitable. "And so goddamn stupid everything would still be fine!" His head fell between his forearms, hands slowly running through his tousled hair.

'_Its your fault that she ended up like this, Beast Boy, its all your fault,' _

"No, there was nothing I could do!"

'_You always promised yourself you would protect her, you would die for her…But you couldn't, you failed.'_

"He would have raped her anyway, you know that!" Beast Boy began clenching his fist. His antagonist lie beyond his reach, somewhere in his mind. The voice had arrived not long after the Beast within him had been caged, and ever since had been plaguing the green boy with his accusations.

'_You death could have empowered Raven, though she is helpless when frightened, you know she is unstoppable when she is angry…Remember Dr. Light?' So persistent, so fluid, a voice you could find yourself trusting._

"But what about after that? Don't you think she would have blamed herself?" Jaws clenching, Beast boy fought against hypnotic voice, he couldn't give in to the temptation of that adamant voice.

'_You saw her, Beast Boy, she Cried. She let you touch her, hell, she let you kiss her,'_

The voice was right. She had let him wipe away her tears, let him carry her to her room, let him kiss her. She had shown him yet another part of her he never knew, and she never meant to.

'_Beast Boy, how will you pay for your sins?'_

Beast boy snarled, his eyes wincing, he knew what was next, it was always next.

"I will pay for the sins of the flesh through the flesh." His voice was soft, so unlike the voice all the other Titans heard, sad. He turned his head, looking through bracing eyes at his mattress, where he kept his secrets. Moving slowly, he slid himself up the wall, his head craned back to watch the unmoving ceiling.

"Raven, I never meant…it wasn't supposed to happen this way. Something went wrong, somewhere, and I couldn't save you…" Whispering slowly, he reached beneath the box spring mattress, hands searching for something.

"Shit." His hand slipped against the sharp edges of the blade, blood seeping into the wood and pooling in the center of a knot.

"Don't suppose that would suffice…" Muttering to himself, knowing it would never be enough. He pulled the machete from below his bed. It was something he had gotten in Africa when he was a child, nothing more then a ceremonial goat slaughtering knife. It had been transformed over the span of the years into something darker, something nearly divine in its own right.

"For everything I've ever done to her," The broad end of the blade slipped over the flesh on his legs, the cold metal causing goose flesh to erupt all over.

"For every thing I've done," he twisted the blade, running over older, nearly invisible scars.

"For everything I've caused," The sharp side of the blade began to press into his skin, soon the resistance would stop.

"For everything that I've ever done to harm you Raven," The flesh puckered, muscle tensing, awaiting the burn.

"I'm sorry." He drew the blade silently over his leg, blood trailing only moments behind. The sweet sting took him away, beyond his guilt and beyond the voice.

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"Hey Rae, you interested in some breakfast?" Cyborg called from the kitchen, his melodic voice ringing through the living room, and drilling into her head.

"I'll pass, thanks." Raven had not anticipated any of the other Titans to be up yet, it was hardly nine thirty. Brushing past the whistling behemoth, she could not help but remark,

"Love the hat, though, Cy." As the cybernetic member of the team had donned a French chef hat that looked quite ridiculous atop the six and a half foot Cyborg.

"I know, it rocks!" Laughing to himself, he continued about cooking a feast of pancakes suited to each of the Titans taste.

Raven herself decided tea would suffice, hoping it would allow her to forget the eventful morning.

Setting some water to boil in a pan, for her Kettle had been used by Starfire to create some god-awful alien dish, and was now completely incrusted with mustard and blue mold, Raven retreated to her well worn corner of the Titans couch.

"Time to feed the demons…" She whispered spitefully under her breath, as she reached below the couch to retrieve a grungy looking comic book. Flipping the pages, she found her tattered bookmark, some generic piece of cardboard Robin had gotten her for Christmas last year bearing an anime character known as 'Vash'. Though she had never seen the show it advertised, the character was rather charming, so she kept it. Skimming along the first panel, she found where she had left off.

"Any pile of Stunted growth unaware that entertainment is just that and nothing more Deserves to doom themselves to some dank cell somewhere for having been so stupid!! Movies, Books, T.V., Music -they're all just entertainment, not guidebooks for damning yourself!" The abstract character on the page proclaimed. The black and white silhouette seemed mostly harmless, though Raven had been through this comic before and knew exactly where it was headed.

Two other titans had dragged themselves into the kitchen and were sitting at the table, looking half dead.

"Long night?" Cyborg asked, usually Star was more than willing to help with breakfast, or at least get in the way.

"Mhrgggg…" Robin mumbled half-heartedly, his face was mashed against the table, so any further sentiments were lost.

Starfire seemed to awaken a bit more, managing to glance about groggily before heading to the refrigerator for her favorite beverage, mustard.

"Robin had to explain to me the process of-" Pausing, she took a long drink of her mustard, "The birds and the bees, a most confusing allegory, as birds and bees cannot copulate." Smiling, she sat down across from the boy wonder, euphoric as she finished off the last of the bottle.

Snickering, both Cyborg and Raven glanced at Robin, who readily warded off any further discussion with a menacing glare.

The kettle began to scream, and Raven hurriedly tucked her comic back into the depths of the couch before tending to her breakfast.

"Has anyone seen friend Beast Boy?" Raven nearly dropped her cup as Star glanced around, searching for their missing comrade.  
"Come to think of it…I haven't seen the little green dude all morning…" Cyborg replied, removing a heaping pile of pancakes from where they had been warming in the oven. "Just means more for me!" As the rest of the team began to eat, Raven silently took her leave. Beast boy never missed a chance to try and get them to eat tofu, no matter how many times he had failed before, not to mention he loved Cyborg's pancakes.

As the half demon walked through the corridors, she could sense something was amiss. The closer she came to Beast Boys room, the louder her heart beat. In her mind she reached out to him, but rather than the usual chaotic mind of her green friend, she found only darkness.

"Beast boy?" She knocked lightly on the door, if he was just sleeping, she didn't want to have to explain herself.

Nothing.

"Beast boy, open the door." Louder now, her voice was tinged with fear.

Silence.

"Beast boy!" Her light rapping had become full fisted knocking.

She stopped, did he just say something?

"Beast boy?" Softer now, she strained her ears to listen.

"Go away." Something was wrong, Raven could hear it in his voice.

"No, open the door."

"I said go away, Raven."

'_Shit…what if he's killing himself in there?' Her emotions cried in unison._

'_What'll make him open the door…' _

"Beast boy…I need you."

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Yeah, you've created a rift within me,  
Now there have been several complications  
That have left me feeling nothing.  
I might say,  
You were wrong to take it from me,  
Left me feeling nothing.  
----------------------------------


	4. Famous Last words

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**A/N:** I want to thank everyone who as reviewed the story! Thank you all so very much for reading it and telling me what you think. I want to thank Kri and Manda, my tangible reading posse, for helping me with the drafts of this. And thank you Windup, fora reallygreatreview, my ego is showing, I know. Heh.

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Disclamer: I have yet to aquire theTeen Titans...but someday.  
**Warning**: The story is rated R for bad things...Like cursing..

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**Wicked**

Famous Last Words

--------------------------------  
Still enough  
Although I know you're not begging  
Still as the thoughts running through your mind  
Still enough  
Although I know you're not begging  
Give me a reason to make you mine  
--------------------------------

"Beast Boy…I need you."  
'_Bitch…'_ Beast boy stood, relishing as the world spun around him. Grimacing, he managed to locate a bath towel to hide the blood. He walked silently toward the door, procrastinating in hopes of finding the hallway empty. His thoughts were mildly hazy, but he knew it was his duty not to worry her, not now.  
"What?" The door creaked open, all she could see was one of his hazel eyes.  
"Uh…" Raven stammered, she could feel panic rising, "I…uh…"  
"Look, Raven, if this isn't really all that important, I'm kinda busy right now."  
Clutching at the inside of her cloak, Raven fought back the panic, hoping to regain enough control to figure some means of distracting him from whatever he was doing.  
"Uh…Beast Boy, I was wondering if you-" She was cut off mid thought as the Emergency alarm began to sound throughout the tower. Silently thanking Azra, she quickly recovered,  
"Were ready to leave?"  
She was rewarded with a suspicious glare. Forcing a smile, she flew off towards the living room, glad she had not been forced to take drastic measures.

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Robin stood above his keyboard, head hanging, glowering at the floor. Both Star and Cyborg looked genuinely uncomfortable, trying to find ways to avoid eye contact.  
"What's wrong?" Raven asked, looking to the silent heroes. Suddenly feeling self conscious, she wrapped her arms around her waist, letting her cloak fall over her shoulders.  
"Its X. He's back."

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Nevermore

&&&&

_Moaning, wailing, every personified emotion cried out, their voices warping into a wrenching song.  
_"_Please,"  
_"_No-"  
_"_I'll kill that-"  
_"_Make him stop-"  
_"_Why?"_

_Their voices threatened to overcome her thoughts as she lie motionless amidst their cries. All the many doppelgangers stood around her, pleading, praying she could make this all stop. Even the robust Bravery joined her sisters in their weeping. Raven looked around, bleakly picking through the countless hues, searching for her inner demon, Rage. Tipping her head back, she pulled herself into a small curled mass as her emotions began to press inward, their wailing making her sick._

"**Raven!"**

_Someone reaching out to her, she could feel herself falling back into her body. Her emotions began to pull at the edges of her cape, their pleading becoming more desperate as she slowly dissipated, returning to her physical self. _

"_Don't go-"  
_"_He's waiting!"  
_"_He's waiting for you!"  
_"_Don't-"_

"**Raven!" **

&&&&

--------------------------------

Slap  
"Shit, Robin! What was that for!" Glaring angrily at the team leader, Raven pushed him off her. She rubbed the side of her face, an unpleasant stinging sensation flying through her cheek from the slap she had just received from him.  
Taken back at first, the Boy Wonder sprung straight to the offensive, standing and brushing off his arms indignantly.  
"Well, Raven, sorry we were worried about you. I suppose passing out in mid-air is normal now?"  
Both glared at one another, an instance that had been becoming more common over the past few months, silently daring one another to back down.  
"Hate to break up this little love fest," Beast boy interjected, Raven hadn't even noticed him. "But we've got places to go, people to beat…" Sighing, Robin turned away, leaving her with the momentary satisfaction of winning their stare down.  
"Beast Boy's right. Look Raven, I really don't think you're in any condition to fight, not after that," The boy wonder couldn't help but smile.  
'_I win…'  
_"What?" Raven cried, her jaw set, in the kitchen a light exploded. "Just because I had a little-"  
"You are most unwell, Friend Raven, you have been out of passing for the last ten minutes. Had you not begun to weep-"  
"What?" The bottle of partially consumed mustard on the kitchen table exploded, dotting the dining room with a odorous yellow goop. Starfire shrieked, quickly rushing to the table, attempting to salvage whatever edible condiment there was left on the table with her tongue.  
"Look Raven, I don't think you are in any condition to fight, " Robin explained, his voice taking on a tone of arrogant authority, "So you're going to sit this one out." Before Raven could interject, she was silenced by an open palm.  
"And I don't want to hear about it. Its just a reconnaissance mission anyway, nothing major."  
"You mean X is still out there." Raven tried vainly to hide the fear in her voice, and as her luck had it, Robin seemed to take this as a form of submission.  
"Yeah. Now look, someone has to stay here with her." Trailing off, he searched to faces of the other titans, waiting for someone to volunteer.  
"Look, Boy Wonder, I'm old enough to take care of myself." Raven said shortly, attempting to push herself to her feet. A hand stopped her.  
"I'll stay."  
Turning around, she looked at who had opted to remain at Titans tower with her.  
Beast Boy.

--------------------------------

"So…"  
"…"  
"Umm…."  
"…"  
"I was thinking-"  
"Don't strain yourself."  
"Very funny. I was thinking, since we are going to be alo-er I mean stuck together all day, maybe you wanted to-"  
"Have five minutes of silence? Yeah, sure, that sounds lovely."  
"Come on, Raven!"  
"Look, Robin told you to keep an eye on me, not bug me, ok?"  
Yet the changeling would not be deterred by her cold reaction.  
"Please?" And as if to spite her all the more, transformed into a small, disturbingly cute, fluffy green kitten.  
Throwing yet another stiff glare in his direction, Raven settled further into the couch, hiding her face in another lengthy book, the DaVinci Code.  
"Or," Raven could hear a slight shuffling on the other side of her novel. "We could talk."  
The green boy sat directly in front of her now, bent over, one hand closing the large paperback. His dark hazel eyes keeping her in check as she attempted to artfully dodge both his requests.  
"…"  
"That's what I thought, c'mon, we're going into town."  
"Robin said-"  
"Robin told me to keep an eye on you, he didn't say anything about not leaving the tower. Plus, Raven, you haven't gotten out much lately, it'll be fun."  
"I'll chalk that one up with the other Famous last words." She muttered as he dragged her to her feet, favoring her antagonist with a mildly belligerent smile.

--------------------------------  
I cannot stay my hand  
From reaching out so that I can  
Empower you  
For all eternity  
It seems to ease my mind  
To know that you've brought  
Meaning to my life  
--------------------------------

* * *

A/n: So...What did you think? I'm having a hard time getting these up on a regular basis, with school and outside activites getting in the way of my 'real' life, sarcasm R&R, if there is anyway I could improve my story or writing style, I'm in this for personal growth, and not like that you pervert.

A sleep deprived Zee


	5. My pet

**

* * *

A/N:** Yay! Chapter 5 is upness! I want to thank everyone who reviewed, my tangible friends, Kri and Manda for helping me write this chapter, and my teachers, who gave us a no homework Friday!  
Special shout outs:  
**Windup**, thank you so much for the advice, and I'm taking it all to heart. Though the strange thing I've found is that there seems to be no way to keep the indents in. I've tried everything and at last decided to give up. And I am planning on writing a flash back chapter, next chapter, actually, which should go to solving a lot of questions. Thanks again!  
**Squeegee**, Yes, the writing motions will continue, they cannot be stopped! I'm glad you like the different idea of Beast Boy, I just couldn't imagine him without a serious, more intimate side. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!  
**Hanita-chan**, You'll be happy to know the next chapter is going to be longer, probably quite a bit longer, in fact. And on the color guard note: I don't really recall competing with WGI, what do the initials stand for? Also: My body is located on the west coast, if that answers anything, heh.  
And to everyone else who reviewed my story: Thank you so much! The support makes writing go a lot faster! I couldn't get to all of your names, because fan-fiction is being all weird like, and my e-mail host is doing likewise, but I luff you all! 

Zee is tired.

* * *

**Disclaimer:** If I owned the Teen Titans, Raven would have 'sploded Terra. I also don't own the lyrics…how sad, I think they belong to Marylin Manson, or the people who made Willy Wonka… one or the other. 

**Warning:** This story is rated R for a reason! Cussing and other adult themes for this chapter! Muhahahaha!

* * *

**Wicked  
**My pet

---------------------------------  
There's no earthly way of knowing  
Which direction we are going  
There's no knowing where we're going  
Or which way the wind is blowing  
Is it raining? Is it snowing?  
Is a hurricane a-blowing?  
---------------------------------

His hands were bloody.  
He could feel it slowly soaking through his gloves, seeking to mark him, again.  
Jump city had never seen such brutality, never seen such blatant disregard for human life.  
None of them could have been prepared for what they had found.  
Bodies lie mangled amidst the ruin of the street, husbands clutching wives, women clutching children even in death.  
At first, it had made them all sick, unable to look into the blank eyes of those they carried from the rubble, but soon they could feel themselves grow callous.  
Cyborg and Star stood aside of the chaos, morose and silence, both staring blankly at their leader.  
For six hours they had not spoken a word as they watched him slowly go about gathering the bodies as they tended to the wounded. And as the last of the people cleared away, they saw him sitting by the piles of body bags awaiting removal. His face was covered in grime and blood, he seemed to take no notice.  
"Friend Robin?" Star called, her hands were tired and red from wringing, eyes weary and sad, she looked so much older than she had this morning.  
It seemed the Boy Wonder had finally ceased his work as he kneeled before the dead, arms hanging limply upon the ground.  
"Rob?" Cyborg stood, even the human hybrid was exhausted mentally and physically. Both titans approached their silent leader, looking for instruction in the face of this tragedy.  
They could see now that the soot was slowly being washed away by tears.  
"Robin!" The alien cried, throwing her arms over her head and rushing toward the crumpled boy.  
"No Star." There was a strange note in his voice, "Just…let me be."  
Starfire looked hurt, her face contorting in misery. Robin was usually so gentle with her, understanding she still had much to learn of Earth culture. In the face of everything that had happened today, it seemed that such unintended cruelty was too much for her, as tears filled her strange green eyes.  
"Star," Cyborg spoke again, as softly and slowly as possible, hoping to repair some of the damage done by the chill tones of their leader, "Why don't you head back to the tower and clean up, ok hon?"  
He could see Robin slowly pulling a letter from his pocket, its edges tainted red with the blood caking on his gloves.  
"Yes, I believe I would like a shower." Star said, her voice flat, suddenly devoid of emotion. He glanced over at her, the tears that had threatened a moment ago were gone now, her eyes clear and empty.  
Slowly, she floated away, her red hair trailing off into the distance.  
"Robin?" Cyborg turned back to the other Titan, who seemed to have scarcely moved. Now, the letter lie open before him on the ground, looking small and white against the blood and pavement.  
"What is that?" Crouching at Robin's side, he began to read.

---------------------------------

"Raven!" The small set of speakers in her room blared, pulling her from whatever semblance of sleep she had managed to ascertain.  
Growling into her pillows, she pulled herself off the bed, fastening her cape as she entered the hall.  
"Raven!" The speakers buzzed in the halls, one exploding after receiving a dark glare from the gothic Titan.  
"This had better be good." Murmuring drowsily, she walked into the briefing room, wondering what was going on.  
The door slid shut behind her, a lock ticking somewhere deep inside its gears. Turing apprehensively, she noted all the doors seemed to have been shut, and more than likely locked.  
"Umm…What's going-" Before she could finish her sentence, Robin had her by the neck, pressed against the wall.  
Choking, she kicked at him as he pushed her slowly upwards, leaving her feet to dangle as she pried at the hands around her throat. The white ovals of his mask could not hide the heat radiating from his eyes.  
"Azarath Metrion zynthossss…" Raven wheezed, throwing the boy across the room. He landed lithely on his feet, as she fell gracelessly to the floor, stunned and helpless.  
"What the hells the matter with you!" Raven screamed, three couch cushions exploded in a flurry of feathers and plush.  
"What's the matter with me? With me?" His voice cracked as stood across the room, squaring his small shoulders.  
"This is what's the matter with me, bitch." He pulled the letter from his pocket, she couldn't be sure, but it seemed it was caked in blood.  
It was then that she realized what condition he was in. The legs of his suit had been ripped severely, his cape hung in two pieces, its blaring yellow ashen, his face and mask were splattered with blood and soot, clear only where tears had poured over his cheeks.  
He walked over to her, suddenly very small in the open room. His steel toed boots clacked upon the floor as he neared.  
Raven pressed herself against the wall, sweating, breathing shallowly.  
"R-robin…Don't come any closer…" He stopped, only a yard away. She could see new tears streaking his face, tracing down his set jaw line. He threw the letter at her, watching as it landed a few feet before her.  
Raven glanced from the letter to him and back, afraid to move.  
"Just read the fucking letter." His voice was quiet now, all the fear and anger had been replaced by a cold complacency.  
She stirred slowly, fearing whatever had caused such a rage in her friend.

_My Dearest Raven,_

_Oh how I've missed you, my dark pet. You see, I've been thinking about you lately, I've been thinking about out time together. It seems lately I can't seem to keep my mind from wandering back to you. You know they can't give you what you need, Raven, but I can.  
__Have you told the others about our little romp, my love? You should. Its been nearly a year since we saw each other, though I've been watching you, precious, I've been watching you very closely. I know what you do late at night Raven, you really shouldn't do things like that to yourself, its so very unpleasant to watch, though I must admit, its so very…lovely to see you cry.  
__Tell your green friend to keep his distance, we wouldn't want anything…regrettable to happen to him, now would we? Can't be leading him on, that wouldn't be very lady like.  
__Oh, and do tell Robin that I say hello, it has been such a very long time._

Scrawled at the bottom in a crimson tone and curling longhand,

_Forever,  
__X._

Raven began to retch, her breakfast turning sour as she looked at the name at the bottom of the letter, too proud to cry, to scared to run, she buried her face in her hands.  
Gauging her reaction in silence, Robin looked on coldly.

---------------------------------  
Not a speck of light is showing  
So the danger must be growing  
Oh, the fires of hell are glowing  
Is the grisly reaper mowing?  
---------------------------------

* * *

**A/N:** Ok, shortest chapter by far, I'm really sorry about it! The next chapter is going to be a flash back sequence, written by the end of tomorrow, proofread and then submitted! I just couldn't find a way to move on after this part, heh. R&R as always, I'm looking forward to whatever thoughts you guys have on this chapter, and where the story is going! 

Nearly dead Zee


	6. Requiem of the Damned

* * *

A/N: OK, Super important you read this! X's mask is DIFFERENT in my story, just a little. The Skull reaches only down to his nose, leaving his mouth uncovered. OK, I am so sorry this chapter took so long, but it was a PAIN! It took me three days to figure out what word to use in one particular scene…; That was horrid! Anyway, I hope you enjoy, please don't kill me!**

* * *

Shout outs:**

**Squeegee:** So glad I was able to move you with the story, but don't blame Robin, he's had a time of it as well…Eventually I'll work into telling his part…He's a bit confused though, the letter is the only thing he really knows about what is going on, which drew him to certain conclusions… Anyway, thanks for Reviewing!

**Hanita-chan:** There shouldn't be much of a delay between chapters, after this one, I'm going to be writing in school now too…Heh - And, highly unfortunately, as my school is really under-funded, and our band teacher refuses to acknowledge the color guard's existence, we weren't able to have a winter guard. trying not to rant Run down of season- Director left two high schoolers with two weeks to put together a 30 page show, drill included. Then made us change it the night before our competition. Next year, we are going to have a winter guard, even if it kills me.

**Chisaiakutenshi :** Luff as always, my tangible-ness friend, thanks for giving me a reason to write (for fear of life) and thanks 'specially for reading and reviewing and helping…and stuff.

**Windup:** I must say that I love to get constructive criticism, and anyone who thinks I can improve anywhere should mention something, I thrive off it, heh. The next few chapters will be going through and answering most, if not all of the future questions, showing everything that has been omitted for various reasons.  
Also, I'm really not sure how long this is going to be, for I haven't really any idea what happens between now and the final chapter (of which I am sad to say I know where all of this is leading). I am really starting to warm up to this piece, more than anything else I've ever written. Not altogether sure why, but there is something about it that I really enjoy, both to write and to share with others. Thanks so much for your great reviews, I'm always looking forward to your opinions on my work!

**Ebony:** You proposed an interesting question, and I suppose I ought to answer truthfully. I'm an ex-cutter, big emphasis on the ex portion of that. Not to mention I also am interested in PSS, post-traumatic stress syndrome, and other trauma related mental illnesses. So aside from studying them in my free time, I've also had a bit of experience with the 'voices'. I don't promote cutting, but I'm beginning to think that it is quickly becoming a rite of passage for the youth of the nation, which worries me. Anyway, thanks for the interest, and I'm glad you enjoy my story!

Exuberant Zee

* * *

Warning: This story is rated R for a reason, this chapter exhibits Language, Adult themes and implied rape. 

Disclaimer: No. I just don't.

* * *

**Wicked**

Requiem of the Damned

-  
Drowning deep in my sea of loathing  
Broken your servant I kneel  
It seems what's left of my human side  
Is slowly changing in me  
-

"Look Raven. I'm going to give you one chance to come clean, got that?" The boy wonder sat silently across the table, his mask staring blankly back at her. His hands were folded before him, jaw set and lips prim, reeking of authority despite his current condition.

His eyes, hiding behind that vacant mask, boring into her as she glared pointedly away.

Silence.

"Raven."

"…"

He stood, arms tensing as he pulled himself away from the table.

"Fine. You want to keep hush hush about it? Leave."

"Wait…"

He watched her silently, still in the dead air.

"But you have to promise." Something was wrong, her voice quavered, violet hair falling to hide her face.

"You have to promise me Robin, you have to swear." Slowly, she turned to face him, blood shot eyes glazed with tears meeting his own.

"That you won't say a word." The emotion had died in her voice, leaving only a shallow echo.

"I promise."

-  
"You remember last September,  
when we split up to look for those gang guys?"  
"Yeah"  
"Do you remember how…How you found us?"  
-

_"Raven…Wake up…" Something brushed along her cheek, pulling softly on dried blood. "Raven…" Brushing down over her lips, catching the bottom of her chin. Something warm caught her lip._

_"…nhh" Pressing, insistent, warm air fluttering over her face. Her head was throbbing, her arms and legs caught and useless._

_Slowly, she began to open her eyes, the darkness abating, trying to find her bearings._

_"You know, Raven…I'm disappointed in you…"_

_Squinting through her violet hair, she sought the voice in the shadows._

_"I used to think you were the strongest, as you so desperately wish to have the world believe. I used to think that your heart was just as cold as you are, your mind stoic in the face of life's many…eventualities… But you know, I've been watching you, Heart, I've been watching you." There was something so familiar about that voice, the chilling metallic tones emanating from the darkness around her._

_"And I've come to realize, you are weak."  
A silent gleam caught her eye._

_"Pathetic, Accept it. A halfling-bastard is all you'll ever be." He began to laugh, a low, dull, thick sound.  
She felt dazed, her tongue hanging dryly in her throat. How did he know?_

_Above her, a light flickered to life, burning her eyes. Hissing through her teeth, she finally saw her aggressor._

_X._

_He stood above her, arms possessively on either side of her head. She glared, a small smile crawling onto her face, he would pay._

_"Azar-.."_

_"Ah, ah, ah.." He called, a cold glove pressed against her lips. "I'm afraid that your powers are…temporarily out of service…" He lifted her chin with his finger, watching passively as her stringy violet hair fell away from her face, her breath running steam up his white mask._

_"You see, I've been in touch with your Father…Or, his disciples, rather, and, apparently, you Demons just can't hold your Atropa belladonna…"_

_X chuckled softly as he waited for her to decipher the Latin term._

_"Apparently it disrupts the extra-sensory powers you have, works on most super-naturals to disable or paralyze."_

_"Nightshade? You fed me Nightshade?"_

_He rested his chest upon hers, tracing his tongue along her neck._

_"Not just you, Love." X whispered, savoring the sweat on her neck._

_"W-what do you mean?" Raven found she could no longer hold face as her breath hastened. She struggled to turn away from him, desperately trying to remember what had happened. Grazing his teeth over a long cut on her neck, Raven arched her back, whimpering as tears sprung to her eyes. He pressed her against the wall, nipping at the edge of her ear. His breath sighing through her hair, the white metal skull that covered his face burning icily into her cheek as he rested a moment._

_"I've brought along your little green friend…"_

_His hand stole down her front, tracing over her uniform, stirring aches in her wounds. Raven moaned, grief and pain wearing down the last of her barriers._

_"You sick fuck…Where, where is he?" Rasping, she tilted her head back, his touch made her sick, he would pay._

_"He's over there," X's voice had begun to change, his breaths becoming labored as he tried to steady his hands._

_Tethered to a wall across the room lie Beast Boy, his limp form silent and still, one arm drawn at a strange angle. The only thing that betrayed the sense of death about him was the swift tick of his eyes. She could see the swelling in his face, blood caking on the side of his head._

_"Gar!" Raven began to thrash violently against her bonds, ignoring her screaming muscles and dissipating strength. X held tight as she lashed viciously about._

_"You bastard! What did you do to him?"_

_"Ooh, temper, temper, my dark little bird. I've done nothing to the Imp…He is suffering from a temporary paralysis from an…Adverse reaction to the Nightshade, I suppose, nothing I can't fix, as long as I get what I want."_

_In the corner, Beast boy managed to moan weakly._

_"Raven…Don't…"_

_"Oh god…" She could feel the tears now, dripping over her cheeks, the salt burning into her tears. "Please…"_

_Beast boy had rolled on his side, eyes flickering madly. He was having a seizure._

_"Raven…You have to make a decision, right now…_

_"After everything they've done, everything they've said…Every thing you have sacrificed for them, everything they will never know…Who will you choose?_

_"Its you, or the boy…"_

_"Raven…no…" The changeling cried, face twitching madly though his body lie still beneath him._

_Bowing her head, the tears fell freely, soaking what was left of her uniform. She realized vaguely, she had lost her cape. Her hair was caught before it could hide her face, X watched her behind his placid mask, a smile forming on his lips. He pulled her chin up softly,_

_"Raven…" Crooning, she could feel the weight of Beast Boy's eyes, she could feel his guilt._

_"Just give me what I want…And everything will be alright…"_

_She began to sob, wishing she could curl up and die._

_"Give in…Decide…"_

_Raven moaned, her whole soul screaming softly._

_Turning her head away burrowing her face in her arm, she whispered_

_"Please…just don't hurt him."_

_"Raven…" Hands slipping down her chest, playing with the fraying cloth and broken skin. His breath hot on her neck as he pressed against her._

_"Raven…" She could feel her world slipping away._

_"Nhggg…Raven…"_

-

Silence.

"Raven…Oh god Raven…I'm so sorry, I-"

"Stop. Just stop. I **don't **want your pity, I **don't **want your sympathy and I **don't** need your commiseration!" Black tendrils seeped from her eyes, licking across the table as her anger sought release.

"Raven, I-"

"You don't understand." She pulled her hood over her face, hoping to conceal the new set of eyes forming on her head. "You'll never understand." Her voice changed, its usual dead pan forgotten, in its place lie something dangerous and quiet.

Robin reached out, leaning over the table,

"Make me understand."

In a moment Robin found himself pressed against the wall, pinned by her body and secured by her powers.

Her fingers raked down his chest, sliding against bruises and tearing the cloth as she bit the lobe of his ear gently.

Gasping, he tilted his head back, unable to stifle a small moan.

"You know…I could show you Robin," Her hands began to sink lower down his stomach, their light persistence making him arch his back from the wall, seeking freedom from the light torture.

"But I have a little hunch," speaking in no more than a whisper, she ground her hand into his dick, relishing as he shrieked, lost between pleasure and pain.

"That the lesson might be lost on one such as yourself." Her tongue slipped over his ear as he tried to regain his composure.

Red eyes still glowing dangerously beneath her hood, she backed away, a grim smile playing on her face.

Panting, the boy was dropped to his knees, gaping silently at the girl before him.

"Raven…" Voice cracking, he fought to keep his mind.

Winking sinuously, she turned, passing through the wall.

He supposed the rest of the night was planned for him,

"Shower. Long, cold shower."

-  
Looking at my own reflection  
When suddenly it changes  
Violently it changes  
There is no turning back now  
You've woken up the demon in me  
-

* * *

A/N-sweat drop- I am so sorry for how long this took to write! But its 4 pages! This was delayed for two reasons, one -paternal units were bickering, two-End of the semester! Er…ok…R&R please! Who is on the 'Zee lynching posse'? I'd love to know! 'Cause I'm drawing a picture of my death squad.

Also: I swear, there is a reason for the above scene, even if they are a bit...lime-ish, ok? If you are wondering why Raven did that to Robin, You're going to have to guess, I refuse to just say it! Now, before you get mad, consider how her emotions are split up, they're pretty straight forward, right? And there is usually only one out at a time. Now,what emotion(s) were above?Dun-dun-dun!


	7. Beneath Skinned Knees

Updated Version: Fixed the bugs! 'Tis now correct grammer-wise 

**A/N:** I want to apologize for the wait on this chapter, aside from mid-terms and family troubles, I really procrastinated on this one. -; Go ahead, shoot me, I'm sorry! But its Five pages of 12pt font! Five! Ooh, and what originally was going to be two chapters was merged into one, since they flow right into one another, and if I had stopped where I planned...My tangibles would have killed me.

**Shout outs:  
Windup:** Thanks for the great review, now, to answer the question about beast Boy's guilt. Have you ever been put into a situation that you couldn't change, no matter how hard you tried? There is a lot of guilt that accompanies the feeling of helplessness for most people.  
I do love the word choice though, "...rolling around on the floor and gurgling." That really made my day  
And thank you so much for your lavish praise, that always slicks the track for the next chapter.  
**Squeegee**: That last scene was necessary, even if it seems mildly out of place, for a few reasons. It wasn't only anger that caused her to do this, it was something else, but I'm not allowed to tell. (Yay! This has got to be the, er, fifth sub-plot in the story!)  
**Mr Jellohead**: So Glad you liked it And I'll make sure to send you e-mails when I update again!  
**Ebony**: You are quite right about that. Many people cut because they feel it is the only way they can ask for help, and other people do it because they think it somehow makes them 'cool'. I'm sure this has to do with the whole 'Teenage angst' thing I'm always hearing about. The most unfortunate part about it is, that many times you cannot separate those who are really in need from those who seek attention or status.  
**Hanita-chan**: Thanks and I'm sorry to keep you waiting for so long. You are so lucky to have that many instructors, even if they can't always get along. Thanks, and good luck to you too!  
**Manda/Kri**: Me luvies, thank you so much for helping me to get this chapter right! Even though I can successfully put some of the delayed chapter blame on you! evil cackle

Tired...oh so tired...Z

* * *

Rating: R, just like all the other chapters, for stuff.  
Disclaimer: If I owned tt, you just know there would be an episode dedicated to Beast Boy's hair. Its so cool and green!

* * *

**Wicked**

_Beneath Skinned Knees_

-  
But under skinned knees and the skid marks  
Past the places where you used to learn  
You howl and listen,  
listen and wait for the  
Echoes of angels who won't return  
-

**R**obin sat at the dining table, running a hand through his wet hair. Glancing at the clock, he sighed, pulling restlessly at the sleeves of his sweatshirt as he waited for the others to arrive. This was to be a 'boys only' meeting, he felt bad about not telling Star, but she had a way with letting things slip, and Robin knew that was something they could not afford. Beast Boy sauntered slowly through the door, tousled green hair in his eyes.  
"Hey...Where's, um, Cy?" The changeling looked around, startled he had arrived before the meta-human. "I don't know...Guess he's still back in his room." Robin shrugged, pushing a chair out with his foot. Smiling drowsily, Beast boy turned the chair around, sitting backwards with his arms draped over the table.  
"Remind me again...Why are we having a meeting in the middle of the night?" Before Robin could answer, the final member of their party arrived.  
"Ok, Robin. Now you're going to let up on why you've got us out here in the middle of the night, and why we couldn't tell Rae and Star." Cyborg said, taking his seat across the table from Beast Boy. Robin sighed, rubbing his temples on either side of his mask. "Ok, Raven has been acting...weird lately, weirder than normal. Both of you've seen that, right?" Rhetorical question, the other boys knew not to interrupt.  
"And I know you both probably have theories on why..." Rubbing the back of his neck, the Boy wonder stared at the table, trying to avoid having to elaborate. Beast boy sat silently, watching the far wall, popping his knuckles, 'How much does he know?' "And that letter we found, from Red"  
"What letter?" Beast boy snapped, suddenly rigid in his seat. Eyeing him warily, Robin pulled the letter out of the large pocket, sliding it across the table.  
"Like I was saying, the letter we found from Red X, I, uh...Found out what the letter was talking about..." Beast boy looked silently at the paper before him, unable to find the courage to look inside. Cyborg was watching the green boy, he had turned out Robin's meandering speech. The look of incredulity on his face in stark contrast with his usual cocky grin. "I really don't think I ought to be the one to tell you...I mean," The Boy Wonder carried on, his hands fluttering about as he talked at no one. Beast boy looked up, suddenly aware he was being watched. he unfolded the letter, cringing silently as flakes of dried blood crumbled off the edges.

_Have you told the others about our little romp, my love?_

Beast boy stood, his chair falling from beneath him, as he slammed the letter into the table. Dull pain throbbed in his fist as the parted flesh began to bleed. Robin glanced up, startled out of his ranting gracelessly.  
"Beast...boy?" The boy stood above the letter, his soda dripping over the edge of the table, hiding his eyes behind his hair.  
"How much do you know?" The usual blithe tones had faded, the Changelings voice had deepened. He glared darkly at the table, waiting for an answer. Cyborg and Robin exchanged glances, beast boy had only acted out like this once before.  
"How much?" "She told me...Everything." He could hear the changeling groan, jaws tensing as the paper contorted in his hand. "There was nothing I could do...I was caught, you know? I was...Damn it"  
"Beast Boy, its ok, Look...No one blames you, alright?" Robin leaned forward, trying to catch the green boys attention. Though rather clueless as to what they were talking about, Cyborg placed a hand on Beast Boy's shoulder.  
"Yea, BB, just...Don' worry about it." "Don't tell me not to fucking worry about it! You can't hear her screaming, can you?" He Shrugged Cyborg's hand off, struggling against his anger, Glaring at the other Titans,  
daring them to challenge him, daring one of them to speak.  
"Fuck you Robin, she blames me. Are you too stupid to notice the way she acts around me now? Are you too blind to see the way she looks at me, the way she looks at all of us? Remember yesterday when we stayed behind? Half the time you were gone I spent trying to make her open up, the rest, I spent trying to fix my arm!" he pulled his sleeve away, revealing a jagged cut that stretched from his wrist to his elbow, it was crudely stitched, and the bandages were falling off, revealing the split skin. "I tried to hug her, you know. Just a hug. Next thing I know I wake up in the infirmary with her sobbing over me. I mean...Raven, crying.  
"And its my fault, I should ha-"  
"Friends"  
All eyes shot across the room to the girl standing in the doorway. "Why is there all this mean-talking at an hour such as this? And Beast boy, when did you receive such grievous wounds?" The red head slowly rubbed one eye with her fist, as the boys gaped, all at a loss. "Uh, StarFire...We were...um"  
"Just leaving." Beast Boy finished coldly. He pulled the shirt over his arm, struggling a bit as the gauze caught. "This stays between us, got it?" the boy added quietly, moving swiftly out of the room. "Cyborg, take care of that, ok?" Standing and running his hand through his hair again, Robin could feel a head-ache coming on. "Hey Star"  
"Wait, Rob," Cyborg grabbed the edge of his sweatshirt, "Is anyone going to let me in on this"  
"Just...go ask her yourself, but watch your back"  
-

"Rae? Rae, are you in there?" Cyborg tentatively knocked, hoping like hell he wasn't waking Raven up. Beast Boy had raided the infirmary and locked himself in his room.  
("I can deal with it myself, Cy)  
Robin had run off to try and convince StarFire that everything was fine, leaving Cyborg with the night and a lot of questions.  
Silence.  
"I know you're in there Rae..." Leaning against the door, he crossed his arms, wondering if she would come to the door.  
He checked his clock, 12:58, good of time as any. Silence.  
Straining his ears, Cyborg thought he could hear something from in her room, it sounded ...Like crying.  
"Raven?" Still no answer.  
'She's going to kill me for this...' Cyborg punched in the key code to her room, taking a deep breath and wishing he was back in bed.  
"Raven? Yo, Raven, are you ok?" Carefully stepping into the gloom, Cyborg was shocked to see the state of Ravens room.  
He knew she wasn't a neat freak, everyone did, but what he saw appalled him. Books, clothing,  
broken mirrors and fragments of drawers were everywhere. Candle wax dripped from shelves and onto the tiled floor, ashes of incense and paper swirled in corners. Cracks in her window whistled eerily as the wind picked up outside the tower.  
That noise again, he could swear it sounded just like sobbing.  
"Raven?" He called, hesitant to step into the girls room. Raven had forbidden anyone to enter her room after his and Beast Boy's excursion into her mind, and Cyborg knew that she trusted them to respect her space. Sidestepping the debris he moved further into the room, struggling to see through the dark.  
His voice dropped to a whisper,  
"Raven, where are you?" Her dark violet bed was empty, its sheets a tangled mass at its center, so too was her long closet, its only occupants the legions of familiar uniforms. The sobbing taunted him, echoing weakly through the room, its disembodied agony helpless and untouchable.  
Cyborg walked slowly to the center of the room, shaking his head slowly. He had looked everywhere in the small room, and still he had yet to find the ethereal weeping.  
Well, almost everywhere.  
Cyborg turned, looking to the dark divan, a thin sheet covering the space between the frame and the floor. "Um...Raven?" She wouldn't hide under her bed...right?  
The meta human kneeled beside the bed, the sobbing had slowed, but grown more distinct as he pulled away the sheet, revealing the darkness below.  
"Raven...oh god."

"God...Raven..." She lie curled beneath her bed, clothes long shed, crying softly. Her back was a mass of scars creating a living tapestry, writhing as she gasped softly for air. Vicious white lines arched across her back, pock marks clustered around knotted flesh, fading bruises painted sickly yellow shadows over her skin. "Cyborg?" She rasped, twisting her head to look at him, her eyes were hazy and swollen, blood dripped down her nose.  
'Just...another dream...' Cradling her head in her hands, she rolled to face him. Her violet hair stringy with sweat and tears, clinging to her pale face as she pulled her knees to her chest, watching him dully as she wept.  
Cyborg sat, unable to find the will to break his paralysis. There lie Raven, the one who preached apathy, the one who didn't do emotion, breaking down before his eyes. She looked so small, so helpless, her eyes vacuous and heavy. "Why?..." Her tears had stopped, leaving only her whispering breath. "Raven...Ah god. C'mere, lets get you cleaned up." He reached out, motors whirring gently in the silence that had ensued as Raven steadied her breathing.  
"Just another dream..." She whispered, but the haze that had clouded her mind was lifting. Extending a shaking hand, she felt like she was under water, every motion slow and labored as time passed inconsequentially. As her fingers touched the warm metal of his hand, alarms began to go off deep in her mind, something was very wrong here.  
She peered curiously as her hand met resistance when it touched his. Squinting her eyes,  
she pulled her legs closer to her chest, while running her fingers over the polished metal of Cyborg's palm.  
This wasn't another dream.  
"Shit."

Cyborg watched as Raven inspected his hand, dull sensations coming from her touch. She was so cold. Suddenly, her eyes opened completely, the haze gone now. Raven forced herself to breathe, then screwed her eyes shut.  
'Please...Please don't let this be...' "Shit"  
Cyborg frowned, now she was really scaring him. Whatever color was left in her face dropped, her hands clutching his, as she slowly turned her face up to his.  
Raven began to scream.  
Cyborg took a moment to realized just what had happened; One second, Raven was huddled under the bed, half dead and completely helpless, then next she was across the room, hugging cape to her chest and screaming at him to get out. All over her room things were exploding, while shards of glass flew at his head. Cyborg turned tail and ran. Scuttling around the ranting girl, he stumbled into the hall, slumping against the door as it closed sharply behind him.  
"You got to be shitting me." Rubbing a hand over the back of his metal skull, Cyborg headed dejectedly back toward the Kitchen to grab an ice pack and some aspirin.  
1:07 am. It was going to be a long day.

-  
Out of the island, into the highway  
Past the places where you might have turned  
You never did notice,  
but you still hide away  
The anger of angels who won't return  
-

* * *

**A/N**: I was going to end it, you know. Right after Cyborg said, 'Raven...Oh God,' But...I'm pushing my luck with these deadlines...Douglas Adams Liked deadlines, He liked the "Whoosh noise they made as the pass..." I like 'em too, Dougie, but I also like tacos and living to see another day, so I thought I would post this as soon as I finished! ;; please Review and restrain from harming the writer!

_Dougie_: My friends and I are Really big Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy Fans Ok, we're geeks. But saying 'Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy' takes thought and eloquence, and 'Hhg2tg' Is delving a bit too far into the fan-dom, though I do use TT to abbreviate Teen Titans -;; So we nick-named the book Dougie, after the Author. I have a Hhg2tg book too, but his name is Leggy (Don't ask, no one knows why).


	8. Anthem REVISED

**Disclaimer**: I don't own TT

_**Wicked**_

Anthem

---

I woke up today  
to find myself in the other place  
with a trail of footprints  
from where i ran away  
it seems everything i've heard   
just might be true  
and you know me  
(well you think you do)  
sometimes, i have everything-  
yet i wish i felt something

_---_

'_So, Boy Wonder…Who are you running from?'_

'_What?'_

'_Who are you trying to protect?'_

'_I-'_

'_Its their screams, isn't it, Robin. You still hear them when you close your eyes, don't you?'_

'_Stop,'_

'_And look at what you have become, your team falters because of you.'_

'_No,'_

'_Can you hear them yet, Robin? They are dying because you failed, because you weren't strong enough to save them.'_

'_No,'_

'_Its all…your….fault.'_

"No!"

Silence.

Robin sighed, looking over at the sleeping girl beside him, wiping cold sweat from his face.

It was so real.

His arms shook, fatigue and adrenaline pulsing through them.

That voice, it sounded like-

"Knorfka…me vhorsec flannnghec.."

Robin nearly jumped out of his skin.

"Urrrg…Star…"

The alien was curled against his shoulder, slipping slowly down his arm and onto the couch.

She was so innocent, a warm smile creeping onto her face as she murmured in a foreign tongue.

Pulling strands of hair from her face, he felt that old twinge in his chest.

Guilt.

_("They are dying because you failed...")_

He moaned, the bruises on his wrists had begun to show.

1:08

Looking back down at Star, he wondered if she had really understood what he told her.

"Please…forgive me."

He pulled a blanket over her thin shoulders, smiling a little.

She was beautiful, caring, optimistic…everything anyone could ever ask for.

He could have given her anything she asked for, would have given anything to make her happy. But she didn't want just anything, she wanted him.

_("Star…Please listen. I-…I really like you, I do…But, its…"_

_She could see her face crumble, tears brimming._

"_Star…Oh, no…Please, please don't cry."_

_He reached out, hating himself, as he embraced her shuddering frame._

"_Its…If something happened…I don't…I don't want to hurt you. Can't you understand? I love you, and I wish I could make this stop…But if we do this, someone is going to get hurt…I-"_

"_No, friend Robin, I understand. You do not wish to harm myself or Team relations through our coupling."_

"_Starfire, I-"_

"_Please, Robin. Sit with me now, we shall speak of familiar things as the night passes, when I slumber, you may take your leave."_

_She sounded so stoic, so sad…So unlike herself._

_He wanted to die._

"_Alright, Star…Thank you.")_

'Sometimes, we give up the things we want the most in order to preserve them.'

Robin stood, taking on last look at the sleeping girl.

"I'm so sorry…"

---

"Shit!"

"Cyborg!"

"Robin!"

"What are you…Are you ok?" The Boy wonder asked. He had just stepped out from the living room when he had collided with the behemoth.

"Yeah…" Cyborg chuckled, "Just got my ass kicked."

"What?" Robin allowed Cyborg to pull him to his feet.

"Tried to talk to Raven…Big mistake."

"Aha…" The Boy Wonder cringed, Cyborg and Raven had always had a good relationship, he thought above all the other Titans, Raven would have confided in the eldest. "So, I'm guessing it didn't go well then?"

He was rewarded with a dark glare.

"Look, Rob, I want some answers. And as soon as I get some aspirin, you're gonna spill, got it?"

Nodding meekly, Robin tipped his head in the direction of the Changelings room,

"Did you take care of him?"

Cyborg shook his head sadly, watching the door.

"I don't know what's up with B…He's really scaring me, man. Reclusive, cranky, hell, I don't think I've even heard him crack a joke in like…Three days."

Robin looked pointedly away, he knew Cy wasn't going to take this well.

"Aww man…I hate it when you do that." Cyborg covered his eyes. "C'mon…We better get this over with."

Sighing, the two boys walked silently to the kitchen.

---

The scabs ached dully as he pulled a thin jacket over his arms, hiding the soiled bandages.

The voices egged him on, chiding behind the guilt and anger, luring the beast within him further toward the surface.

He wanted it, needed it more than anything else.

He had already died, twice, why not tempt fate?

A detached smile grew on his face as he made his way to the window pulling hair from his eyes.

He pulled the window pane over on itself, stepping with a learned grace onto the ledge hardly five inches wide.

The boy spread his arms to the sky, leaning his head back to watch the clouds.

Slowly, he pressed up on his toes, letting the wind pull him out and away.

---

"Please, please…not again…"

Beads of sweat stood out on her face, stinging as they rolled into her eyes an over her parched lips.

Raven's pupils began to dilate as a low shudder coursed through her body, arching her back and pointing her chin. She clung to the sheets about her, her nails cutting through the cloth and into her skin.

Short panting gasps escaped her mouth as she fought against the coming darkness.

"I won't…I can't…not again…"

Her lurid violet eyes rolled into her head, mouth stretched in a silent scream as she rose from the bed, still clinging desperately to her purple sheets.

The bed melted from below her, time ceased to exist.

The world as she knew it, had ended.

---

Flames tore at the remnants of the Tower, vast and endless before her lie a barren waste land smothered in a red sky. The silhouette of Jump City dead beneath a crimson moon, the waters that once framed it long dry, leaving miles upon miles of cracked earth.

Raven could hear her heart pounding in her head, her breath rasping though a dry mouth.

Where was he?

Raven pressed her back on what was left of her bed, closing her eyes and slowing her breath.

She could hear something shifting in the room.

'Don't open your eyes, concentrate.'

Slowly, she could hear something approach. Low, dull footsteps echoing softly on the aged steel of her floor.

Thoughts began to tumble into her head,

'You know he/simple as slicing/lips/cut/kill'

She snapped, lunging into the dead air, blind and fearless, her hands grasping ancient cloth, wrapping deftly about a thin neck.

A hand swiped across her face, sending Raven sprawling.

"Really now," the mottled chords of his voice ringing out into the silence, "Was that necessary?"

The shade before her laughed, stepping into the harsh glow of the red moon.

"Why Raven, its been awhile, hasn't it?" His low voice reverberated throughout the room..

"You're not real!" Screaming, she writhed on the ground, her hands searching over her head as she tried to scramble away. "You're not, you're not!"

Her hands covered her eyes as she collided with a corner as she began to rock and scream, "Not real, not real, you can't be here. This place is mine and you can't be here!"

Again, the voice filled the room, but this time, its tenor was flawed, seeming to be filled with hundreds of other voices, screaming and laughing all at once.

"Look at me." It commanded.

"No, no I won't. This is my world and I won't look, I won't!" Raven screamed again, her voice hoarse and ragged.

"Look at me." This time, it was like thunder, and now she could hear all the screaming inside that one voice.

Red X was gone, in his place a unimaginable monster stood. The thing before her was not an illusion, it wasn't one of her night terrors, it was like nothing she had ever seen before.

Three arms protruded from its shoulders, writhing against one another as if of their own volition. Charcoal black skin rolled lithely in the red glare of the perpetually setting sun. Four eyes glared at her, one set atop another, two red, two an chilling blue, framed by a mass of deep blue hair.

A stark smile pulled up the corner of the creatures mouth, revealing a snaking black tongue.

It began to move toward her, its many hands busied with something tied about its waist.

"Oh Raven, don't tell me you don't recognize me?" Mocking hurt, it advanced. Raven's eyes flashed over the creature, stopping to stare at the belt fashioned solely of the heads of her emotions.

Knowledge, Fear, Rage, Lust, names burned into the flesh on their foreheads.

Slowly, the heads about the creatures waist opened their eyes, burning hot red light into space, their mouths moving in unison.

"Mother always told you not to let your imagination run wild Raven, now just look at what you've done."

---

Robin sighed, he couldn't find the strength to look Cyborg in the eye as he told the story.

As he finished Raven's story, he brought his hands to his eyes, trying to bite back the tears.

"…"

"Cy…I'm sorry…" He knew that Cyborg felt it was his place to care of the team, and that he was especially protective over Raven.

"…"

"Cyborg?" Slowly, Robin pulled his hands away from his mask, suddenly frightened by the meta-humans silence.

Cyborg sat across the table, his strange blue eye staring blankly out the far window.

Robin had expected anger, remorse, confusion, the silence was balking.

"Cyborg…"

The cybernetic man turned his head, easing it into his palms as he trembled softly.

"I should have known…."

"What?"

"I should have known there was something wrong. The drugs in her system, her problems with her powers…All those nights she-…" He stopped, wiping tears from his eye. "God damn it."

"Cyborg, its not your fault." Robin whispered, "We all should have been watching more carefully, but the fact is, we had to save Beast Boy. You know that if we wouldn't have gotten there when we did, he would be dead."

"It doesn't matter," Cyborg's jaw tightened, how could he make Robin understand? "What did we save after all? Beast Boy is loosing it, and Raven…She's…"

"Cyborg, there was nothing any of us could do. It was just one of those things we couldn't sto-"

"Don't you get it, Robin? We weren't there when she needed us! You know how hard it is for her to trust people? Since the day we met I've been trying to get her to trust me, to trust the team. I told her that if she ever needed me, I would be there for her. And you know what, that one moment when she needed me the most, where was I? Dicking around after some shit-head bank robber! And she…she…."

He slammed his fist against the table, watching numbly as the top splintered and crumbled.

Robin fell back trying to skirt the flying debris, too startled to try and cushion his drop.

"I'll kill that bastard, X…if it's the last thing I do…I will make him pay for what he's done."

---

do you know how far this has gone?  
just how damaged have i become?  
when i think i can overcome  
it runs even deeper  
everything that matters is gone  
all the hands of hope have withdrawn  
could you try to help me hang on?  
it runs...  
---

Z


	9. For you REVISED

Disclaimer: If I owned TT, the show would be a bit fun Nor do I own Slipknot or their lyrics to 'Virus of Life'

-

I can see you but you can't see me  
I could touch you and you wouldn't even feel me  
Wait a second and you'll settle down  
I'm just waiting, 'til you really let your guard down  
Your relaxed, your sublime, your amazing  
You don't even know the danger you're facing  
If I'm quiet, I'll slide up behind you  
And if you hear me I'll enjoy trying to find you

-

He still had blood on his hands. The people around him were too immersed in their own pointless lives to notice though, the blood, the scabs, the scars.

Sometimes, he believed that they didn't see anything they didn't want to.

Didn't matter much though, he had something more important on his mind.

Six inch fuck-me-heels clicked soundly on the pavement, shirt too tight to leave room for imagination and a skirt too short to hide the point. Wrong…All wrong.

But her body, it was near perfection.

Hair swinging over her shoulders, hoops of gold glinting through her dark locks. A slow, decadent smile on her lips as she passed him.

No poise, hips swaying wildly, ringlets bouncing over bare arms.

Her body was the only thing that mattered, at least to him.

Feeding the addiction with so many nameless girls every night.

Dreaming of the one he could never have.

Raven.

Smiling, he fell into step behind the girl, effects long forgotten, he blended into the chaotic masses well.

It was only a matter of time, her stoic front would flounder, Raven would give in.

He watched the girl before him, so similar to the body he needed, wanting to hear her scream, to beg for it.

Plead for her life.

And he would hear it, that last desperate cry, all in time.

Brushing back a few strands of pitch black hair, he disappeared into the shadows.

Tonight was their one-year anniversary,

And X planned to make it a night Raven would never forget.

-

She was back in her head, a captive of her own imagination again. Raven's world, her mind's vision had become so perverted since X, where once a mirror of her home, it had now become a wasteland mimicking her visions of Armageddon. It seemed she was always confined to the other-world equivalent of her own room, still furnished, yet withered with the passing age. It was here she had once found solace, meditating in the company of her personified emotions. Those emotions had long ago fractured from her true self, seeming to take on lives of their own, running wild over the infinite reaches of her universe, slowly polarizing as time passed. The innocence had left her once-sanctuary, leaving Raven desolate and confused.

"Oh...no.." Raven moaned, her hands pulling the skin on her face downward nearly comically as her eyes rolled over the creature before her. "No, no, no. What, what? Why?" Incomprehensible words bubbled from her lips as she shook her head slowly back and forth, eyes wide and unbelieving.

"I am you. I am everything you hate about who you are. From the wastes of your mind, your hatred, your anger, I was born out of desperation. You needed a way to suppress what you were feeling, darling" The skin on its faces was pale beyond life, stretching horribly as the creature smiled. "I gave you that. You created me to keep them quiet, I think I've done a brilliant job, if I do say so myself." Her voice was nearly mocking, permeated with a sickly sweet droll. "And you can call me Id, sweety." 'Id' twisted the belt around her slim, dark waist, pulling a new face into view.

"H…Happiness?" Raven cried. The eyes of the disembodied head began to open as it was twisted to face the cowering girl.

But where once the eyes of a personified emotion watched so merrily the world, there were only two dark sockets, still caked with young blood.

"Hello!" Happiness chimed, her eyelids squinting over empty hollows, a wistful smile plastered over the dead flesh. Tendons in her neck grasped wetly and wriggled where once they would have linked her head to her shoulders.

"Shit!" Raven screeched, once more recoiling violently against the wall and away from the creature before her. "Oh…Oh god…" She retched, trying to take her eyes away. Her hair fell in long sweaty strings in her eyes, sweat stinging her face as fear threatened to consume her.

"Fear not!" Happiness proclaimed, her hollowed eye sockets beamed malevolently at her. "I'm better this way! We all are!"

"What…what the hell is going on?" Raven pulled her knees to her chest, clinging desperately to whatever sanity she could find, tears flooded down her cheeks as she choked back a scream, her eyes locked onto the empty sockets of the head.

"Keep your voice down," Id demanded, conjuring a cloak to cover the heads on her belt. It draped loosely, vaguely outlining the domed heads and bladed noses "We don't want that priss coming 'round. That bitch always ruins my fun." Her sinuous tongue slipped from her lips, beckoning to the terrified girl. Behind her, the red clouds rolled violently over one another as they raced toward the city. The scream of the wind through the cracks in the walls roared as the tattered linens of her room swayed, casting crimson shadows over the walls.

Raven shook her head from side to side, biting her lip.

'_Please, please god, let me wake up!' _Words filled her mind, fighting their way towards her mouth

"God please make this st-"

Id's hand enveloped her face, crushing her cheeks and pressing her tongue into her teeth.

Blood filled the inside of Ravens mouth as she felt the crushing grip begin to lift her from the floor with supernatural ease.

"God? Ha! There ain't no god here, hon" Id cackled madly, "Only you, me and the peanut gallery."

---

"Cyborg…"

The long open room stood silently as the early morning light began to filter in, seeming to coat the room in blood as the sun crawled over the horizon. The low hum of appliances and computers rumbled dully as the flicked on automatically. Robin stood, leaning on one elbow against the counter near the kitchen, his posture was lax, fatigue seeming to seep through and possess him as he watched the silhouette of his friend against the morning light.

The behemoth stood, looking quietly out over the city, his back turned to the Boy Wonder.

'_Why didn't she tell me?' _Voices in his head screamed, outraged and troubled.

"I always thought…You know, that things like this, they…They couldn't happen to us." Cyborg said, then laughed. It was a cold, hollow sound. "I mean, those things happen to real people, right? When we put on these suits,"

He paused, looking down at his metal hands.

"Well, when we go out to save the day, we're…God, I don't know… Different…Special… Invincible..." Another pause as his words sunk into the quiet room.

"Every day we go out there and fight things most people don't even dream of…I guess I just wanted to believe that it meant we didn't have to worry about that mundane shit…" He looked over his shoulder for a moment, seeking something in Robin's eyes, but he only saw the white blanks as Robin's mask stared apathetically back.

"That's why we do it, Cy." Robin said after a painful pause. The air seemed so heavy, he could hardly breath as he felt the weight of the meta-humans eyes fall upon him. "Every one of us has been through some shit that we can't forget, but…What ever doesn't kill us only makes us-"

"No, Robin," Cyborg turned violently, pacing up to the Boy Wonder, "Don't you get it? Pull your head out of your self-righteous ass and look around you! Whatever doesn't kill us fucks us over later!"

Cyborg stood before Robin, eye screwed shut,

_(Just keep the violence down)_

time crept forward with an aching slowness. The anger that had thundered through his heart slowed, leaving only an empty sorrow.

"I…Need some time to breathe…" Cyborg concluded after a moment.

"No." Robin nearly shouted, his hand coming down sharply against the counter. "You aren't going to leave me here with all this shit. You're the only other Sane person who knows what's going on, and I'll be damned if I let you get out of fixing this!"

'_I will not be their fucking whipping boy' _Sour words echoed in Robin's head. "Beast Boy's lost it," His voice cracked as he began to lose control "Raven is the fucking problem…and Starfire--"

"Friend Robin, why are you shouting?"

Robin stopped, his face hardening as Star walked into the dining hall. She surveyed the broken table with a vague recognition, rubbing sleep from her eyes.

"Star, leave, now." Robin ran his hand through his hair, trying to calm down. This was getting out of control fast, he couldn't let that happen.

She stopped, her arms curling around her stomach as she tried to keep tears back.

Cyborg touched his arm,

"She didn't do nothing, man."

Robin threw the metallic mans' hand off his arm, glaring darkly at him.

"Don't pull that pompous shit with me. I know you, you're just trying to make up where you fucked up with Raven." The Boy Wonder was snarling now, as he watched Cyborg stare with disbelief.

Starfire began to cry softly, hiding just out of sight, fueling his anger.

"Yeah, you heard me." He pressed his hands on Cyborgs' shoulders. This was the control he needed, "Come on, fucker!"

"Robin, please stop," Starfire pleaded, coming out from behind the counter, clutching the hem of her long night-shirt. "Please Friend Robin, you are frightening me."

Her eyes were red and puffy as tears ran over her cheeks and down her neck. Robin glanced away from Cyborg's blank face, and caught sight of Star.

The wind fell out of him.

His arms that had shook with rage now trembled with fatigue as he looked pleadingly from Star to Cyborg.

Robin pulled his shuddering hands to his face, trying to hide the tears and shame.

"I'm sorry, oh god…I'm so sorry."

---

Choking, Raven wheeled her legs, trying to free herself from Id's grasp. The monster had lifted her from the floor, watching mirthfully as Raven struggled to breathe. Shadows played at random over her face, carving deep holes under her bladed nose and into Id's hollowed eyes, the red hues complimented by her pallid skin.

Id was smiling as she watched Raven clawing away at her arm, her violet eyes slowly hazing over. Ravens' thrashing had begun to slow, taking on a sleepy quality. Her fingernails dug into the flesh of Id's arms once more, pulling weakly as blood spurted and dribbled down her bare arms.

"Stop!"

Id cringed, dropping Raven unceremoniously onto the ground, where she lay no more than a shaking heap, clutching her throat and panting.

"What the…Hell….was that…for?" Rolling to her back, she watched the burnt holes in her vision starting to recede. Debris from the ancient wares of the room dug into her back, sticking to her sweaty skin.

Across the room, there was the faintest groan as a new figure stepped into the blood-light.

A faint white aura surrounded her deep purple cloak, her faced hidden beneath the long shadow of her hood. Red shadows played over her dark visage, seeming a nearly benevolent figure as it began to mimic Id and circle around one another.

Raven watched silently as the two approached each other contemptuously, fingures different, but so distinctly similar. From one, the undenyable sense of malice, a hunger for destruction. From the other, a sort of hurried virture, timidly filling the room with a hopeful calm.

"Id…" The new figure spoke, the voice soft and feminen.

"That all you got to say?" Id hissed, smiling bitterly as locks of her unnatural hair seemed to raise like the hackles of a dog.

"Really Id, if you don't have anything intelligent to say then don't--"Id lashed out, ripping the hood away from the face of the figure. Blood tricked slowly down the ivory cheek Id had grazed with its nails. Its face and head was devoid of hair, save for a long, thick brade that hung at the nape of its neck, its deep color unmistakably purple in the violet light, making its skin seem all the paler. Everything about the creature excuded an air of feminine beauty, delicate and frosty as she paced slowly before Id.

Raven felt strangely invisible as she watched the two creatures circle around each other.

"Shut up, Bitch." Id snapped, "Why are you here?"

The other one put a tentative hand to its face, staring blankly at the wall. The blood slid over fingertips as pale as snow and dripped onto its neck.

Id twitched, fingers splayed silently around a dark object concealed in the folds of its cloak.

"You're here to warn her, aren't you?" Id glared darkly at her, the long tendrils of purple hair shifting as she lifted something beneath her cloak.

"Well, Fuck that." In one fluid motion, Id pulled a short dagger from its belt, snarling as it wrapped an arm around the purple-cloaked girls neck, "I'm the one who calls the shots around here, and you…My friend," It licked one ivory cheek. "Are a nosy little bitch, who never learned to keep her nose in her own business."

Smiling, Id thrust the dagger into the hollow of one of the other creatures shoulder. Blood spurted into the room, showering both creatures in a light spray.

The girl let out a soft groan, clutching the knifes hilt with her good hand and falling quietly to her knees.

Raven shrieked as white hot pain filled her mind, searing her thoughts and blinding her.

"Well Fuck you Nova," Id cried triumphantly, "I've got plans and I'm not going to let a little shit like you mess it up."

Blood trickled down through Nova's cloak, sucking it to her skin.

Yet she looked up, smiling as she wiped the blood that had landed on her face away..

"I-I…I might not be strong or vicious like you, Id…But I have hope, and I have a message for your Raven." Her eyes fell upon the girl who was crouched in the corner, and Raven screamed as she realized that the eyes themselves were no more than sightless white orbs.

---

His hands were shaking with anticipation, he could hear her breathing. The morning light was rising and he knew that he didn't have much time. her room was cluttered, but he moved effortlessly through the maze, a long trained grace flowing through his thin limbs.

The rough gloves he wore for his job were shed, replaced with simple latex, with trace amounts of nightshade dusted over them, just in case.

X smiled beneath his mask, he had waited a year for this night.

Licking his lips, he slid from shadows, eyeing Raven as she hovered over her bed, sheets still wrapped in her fingers. Setting a small kit next to him, he flicked a lock and pulled it open slowly.

He pressed her hand to his face, her chilled flesh sweet against his feverish cheek.

"I couldn't forget you Raven…"

He pried the blankets from her grip, smoothing them back onto the bed.

"I couldn't move on…"

X ran a gloved hand through her hair, pulling the stringy locks from her face.

"I still can't get you out of my head,"

He tied a band around her arm, stroking the veins that began to swell in her arm.

"So I'm going to make you mine,"

Uncapping a syringe with his teeth, he slipped the needle under her skin, relishing the shiver that traced up her skin as the alien fluid raced through her.

"Even if I have to kill,"

He pulled the needle out, setting it aside and pressing cotton over the hole.

"Because remember, Raven…

I always get what I want…."

-  
Just keep the violence down  
Not yet - don't make a sound  
Oh God I'm feeling it  
It's reaching fever pitch  
My skin is caving in  
My heart is driving out  
No mercy, no remorse  
Let nature take its course  
-

Z


End file.
